Here’s a story before the story that I have shared with only a few.
P.S. It ended up being rather long but here goes.
Several years ago two of my friends & I attended a Big Daddy Weaveconcert in Weatherford TX. It was awesome and God was majorly moving in the house that night. In the middle of the concert he stopped and they spent some time allowing people to walk up front to be prayed for for whatever reason they feel they need prayer. I felt a STRONG urge to go but I had every excuse under the sun not to.
I was thinking to myself: “it’s an awkward alter call type of deal and so yeah course I’m gonna feel called to ask prayer for healing but I’m sitting in the back and the lights are very low and I have horrid balance, I’d make a scene just getting to the front. So yeah, I think this urge I feel is just normal and it’s not really like I’m suppose to go up or anything. I mean God understands I don’t want to stumble up there in front of people and be embarrassed by my lack of balance”
Usually it’s over and you move on. This time I knew I should have went and felt guilty. It bugged me all the way home so when I got home I went to my room, grabbed my Bible and decided I would open it to wherever my fingers landed and read the first verse that I glance at.
I did: Matthew 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
I could have been mad at myself. Like seriously did I just miss my chance of healing???
I carried guilt for a while for not believing but i knew I was forgiven yet sometimes it seemed like maybe I missed my boat and now I have to suffer the consequences.
Over the years I’ve tried hard to keep up my belief in healing but I’ve had many many people pray over me and lay hands on me yet it didn’t seem like God was answering any of our prayers.
Up to this point things were not working out. Everything I ever tried to do, every relationship, every dream. Everything had a road block that seemed like God beating me down once again.
I spent many nights literally in my “whispers” yelling to God asking why?
In 2014 God showed me that miracles still do happen by allowing me to marry my best friend. It was the beginning of a journey of faith with a wife who constantly bubbles over with joy and positiveness into my life.
When I created this video to share our story at our wedding I chose the song “Sovereign” by Chris Tomlin for the video and had our musician perform “Sovereign over us” by Michael W. Smith before the ceremony because I loved the truth that in all this chaos God was sovereign and very much in control. But I think my head understood it better than my heart most times because it was so easy to believe that God would never heal me and I already passed up my chance at healing.
My wife brought fresh (bubbly smile emoticon ) energy to my health situation and kept pushing me towards faith.
It’s been a journey of tears for both of us as things only got worse. The latest news of the growth and the new problems my tumors are making were starting to be debilitating and exhausting at times. Grant it I almost always have lived a fairly normal life but the pain is more something that isn’t noticed on the outside.
It seems almost like overnight my tumors started to shrink and continue to shrink. (the ones I can see pushing through my skull anyway). Most mornings recently I wake up early and discover a little more shrinking has happened.
It’s completely overwhelming and I am left speechless because I couldn’t believe it’s happening to me! It happens to other people but never close home! (I thot)
Now when I listen to these songs like “Sovereign” they have a whole new meaning to me. I’m filled with hope and belief in a God who is a miracle doer and always works things out for our good.
It’s easy right now, things are looking positive, prayers are being answered and I’m very grateful.
But then God gently reminds me: He was ALWAYS this good and sovereign. Nothing changed from before. .
The same God who is healing me today is the same God who put a road block to all the dreams that have never worked out for me. All the times I yelled at him in my “whispers” and just couldn’t make any sense out of His plan for me, yup, SAME GOD!
I don’t know what God’s plan is. Heal me completely? Partially? IDK!
But I do know that HE who began a good work in me will finish it. And that doesn’t guarantee healing, that guarantees that He is sovereign and He will take me through things, mountains and valleys alike, for His purpose for my life and His glory.
This Truth was just as true in my valley as it is in my mountain today.
I am overwhelmed to be experiencing miracles I barely had faith in to start with and I am pleading for complete healing. But whatever the final outcome, healing isn’t the point.
I know I am loved by a God who is out for my best interest that only He can always understand. He allows me to go through mountain tops and get a wee little glimpse of it now and then but I still cant see it all. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I’m sure I’ll go through the valley again, life’s full of those. I’m just super grateful that He’s planted this mustard seed of faith in me to believe and KNOW He is truly sovereign even when I don’t get what He’s up to.
“Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You’re working for our good
You’re working for our good and for Your glory”