You’ll always have those “why me” days but just remember there’s a bigger purpose in life than yourself and if you live your life in tune with God’s purpose this verse applies to you! Pain & Suffering we experience currently is nothing compared to the future God has for us!
“and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” Romans 21:4
By Tim Marks
Henry Ford wisely said, “Don’t find fault. Find a remedy.” Why do people feel the need to point out other people’s mistakes? Well, it could be they genuinely want the other person to improve. It could be that they want to help. Or it could be that they are trying to knock the other person down a few pegs to themselves feel powerful in comparison. WikiHow.com shares, “Criticism is futile, because it puts a person on the defensive and causes him to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s pride and arouses resentment. Criticism is vain, because in judging others, we regard ourselves as more righteous than they.”
For some people, their self-esteem and identity is tied to “being right” and “being knowledgeable”. They feel that they are a worthwhile person if they are correct, and more importantly, if other people know it. If you derive your self-esteem from being right… why? Why is that your source of self-esteem? Do you feel embarrassed being wrong or making a mistake? Does that seem rational to you? Surely you must realize that you can’t be right all of the time. You only need to be right 51% of the time and you would make a billion dollars on the stock market this year! If someone was right all the time, they’d have easily developed the cure for cancer, brought peace to the Middle East, and found a solution to world hunger. Since these haven’t been accomplished, you may want to lower your estimation of yourself being “all knowing” a notch, Scooter. Again, only one man ever was, and no one ever will be again. Compulsively correcting people is purely an ego game, and as SpiritualPub.com shares, “One day, you will come to an understanding that in a pretentious game of gratifying your ego, you have auctioned the inner beauty of your soul.”
I have a family member whom I love very much who is, and has always been, right about everything (in their eyes). It’s a sad condition because it holds him back from learning. Why would someone bother learning when they think they already know everything? It might be true we have some expertise in a certain area, but imagine the vast ocean of knowledge we don’t have! Also, is it possible that our suggestion is correct, but someone else’s idea might also have merit? There might be two different solutions to the same problem. 2+2 equals 4, but so does 1+3. And even if we are correct, remember that no one wants to hear about it if we come across as an arrogant know-it-all! (No one… except you!)
The world is filled with people who will tell you what you do wrong. Your friends, family and colleagues are constantly told by everyone around them what they do wrong! Even if your heart is genuinely in a good place and you want to help the other person by correcting them, may I suggest you reconsider? As Dale Carnegie wrote, “When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus.”
My mentor, bestselling author Orrin Woodward, has taught me if someone is about to make a tiny mistake, to consider letting them know gently. Please don’t come across as a know-it-all. You may want to say, “I could be wrong, but have you considered this? Perhaps there is another way of looking at this problem.” Or, “This is only my opinion, and I certainly am not an expert, but what about this option?” Using language like that leaves a back door for their ego to remain intact. Throw a little uncertainty into your language in order to gently introduce a suggestion. You may also try getting their permission to offer a suggestion. Perhaps something like, “Bob, if I noticed something I felt could really help you, do I have your permission to offer a little tip?” By getting their permission first, they are probably more open to hearing what you have to say. I learned from my mentor it matters less to the other person whether you are right; it matters if their ego and feelings are intact.
Finally, stop yourself and ask, “Who am I to criticize this other man?” Consider all the mistakes you have made throughout your life. It can be pretty easy to feel self-righteous when considering our strengths to another, but what about our flaws compared to their flaws? In John 8:9 Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” I know all of my flaws. Who am I to judge another man? At this point, you may be wondering, “He, wait a minute… is Tim judging me or trying to tear me down?” or “Is Tim trying to teach me people skills?” Actually, I’m trying to show you we all make these common mistakes and we all have value that we and others may not yet see.
Now, naysayers will point out avoiding correcting people doesn’t count for landing airplanes, brain surgery or running a nuclear power plant. Of course there are times when you point out a mistake! If your spouse is driving the car and about to run a red light or crash into someone, don’t AVOID pointing it out in order to dogmatically follow this principle. Use discretion. However, the three extreme examples I just gave are situations where a person is in mortal danger. 99.9% of the time we AREN’T in mortal danger, so the exception won’t apply most of the time! You still need to avoid criticism most of the time!
Fortunately, the LIFE business shares information to help even a blunt choleric like myself to soften his edges, develop some empathy, and share mentorship and advice from a place of serving rather than correcting. To quote from one of our recent books in the LIFEsubscription series, Bringing Out the Best in People, author Alan Loy McGinnis said, “Good managers and good teachers, on the other hand, do not waste much time doing postmortems on the failures of their people. Instead they look for strengths that others have overlooked and ways to encourage the gifts in their group.” If you want to become a better leader, I’d encourage you to bite your tongue when you feel you are about to criticize, and instead, point out what someone has done correctly.
Psalm 139:14 reads; “I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well.
Really? Am I fearfully & Wonderfully made?
It all started with lots of dreams. My goal was to become a missionary pilot. I loved reading books about other missionary pilots since I was young and when those planes flew overhead, boy was I anywhere but on the ground. After I turned 16 I managed to talk my dad into letting me pursue my pilots license. It seemed like everything was planning out perfectly. I got my Private License at 17 and started getting serious about deciding to become a missionary pilot or not. Meanwhile I was losing my hearing. At this point I was completely deaf in one ear but had normal hearing in my remaining ear so it did not affect me much and I didn’t really think much about it. I started researching what exactly it takes to become a missionary pilot and discovered most ministries require you to have a degree as an Airplane Mechanic. So I started researching different schools and what all would be involved. Meanwhile I randomly decided I really need to get my ear checked out and figure out why I went totally deaf in one ear.
I forget the exact date but it was January of 2008 and I had an appointment with an ENT (Dr. Benke) For those of you who know him in Cleburne, TX. He checked my ear out and saw no problem with anything so the next thing was an MRI. I was already not fond of Doctors so of course I was telling my mom, “see, just like always, they always refer you to do something else and it’s a money scam! You know I don’t have anything in my head that MRI will find. I’m healthy!”
Approximately 2 weeks past when my parents broke the news to me. Little did I know how NueroFibromatosis Type 2 would affect my life. I started researching it and it just got to much so I quit. There currently is no known cure for NF2 and the medical route offers little hope. Early onset of death is not an uncommon thing with NF2 patients. You can read more under NF2 Journey for specific information about NF2.
I didn’t lose any hope for my dream of becoming a missionary pilot yet. We pursued natural treatment that MIGHT work and I had to go to a clinic for a month straight. For a young guy in good health to be in a clinic for a month over his 18th birthday is not advised, just saying. During the month I was there I had an infection set in that we would not discover for many months. The treatment on top of the infection really got me down. Follow up visits to the clinic were just part of it-I spent several months in the clinic overall most of the time having this infection that we could not find at the time. Finally I was in too much pain all the time that all I could do was lay flat on my back and tough it. I could not get up and walk on my own for at least two months. Now things started getting real, I started struggling with what I thought was my purpose. I was getting weaker, I had lost almost any strength I had. We were doing blood test and nothing bad was showing-finally we tried seeing back specialist because back pain is what I was struggling with. That wasn’t easy, I had to be carried out to a van and that hurt bad. We drove over an hour only to have the doctor come out to see me and say he will not touch me I have to see an Emergency Doctor. Well we knew we wouldn’t get far there because we were already seeing Doctors who could not find any issues. Finally an MRI report revealed a disc being gone-so I had discitis. After being admitted to the hospital It sounded hopeful that with some help on pain meds I could get back on top and get this infection finished off. Oh but those doctors you know–they got ahold of my NF2 case and ran with it. They claimed there was a life threatening tumor close to the brain stem and had to be dealt with immediately. We knew the situation and knew it wasn’t as bad as they made it sound but knew it was bad enough we should probably just get it taken care of. I’m sure God had his timing it it all. But, this was the first huge mountain for me to cross. The risk on surgery was life or death-if anything went wrong, I would not come out alive.
Needless to say the surgery was very successful. In the 6 month path to recovery it was tough and of course I had tons of time to reflect. Let’s just say I started struggling with bitterness towards God-why did He chose to crash a dream I had that seemed like it was His dream for me. there were a thousand WHY’s I wanted answered. I could not understand how this scripture applied to me.
Psalm 139:14 reads; “I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well.
I spent quite a bit of time on youtube listening to Christian music and esp Chris Tomlin which led me to Loui Giglio’s video about Laminin. This changed my life.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0-NPPIeeRk?rel=0&w=420&h=315]
My questions to God were all wrong. I realized God has a very specific mission for me here on earth and if I just hang in there and follow Him I will fulfill that plan. I chose to believe that God was intimately involved with what I was going through and that He was actually intimately involved in my body with the pain I was going through.
As time went on I began to have hind site and see how God was using this in my life, He used it to wake me up from my own dreams and had to knock me down so I really start searching Him deeply to figure out why I was created. But I kept struggling with a few things about HOW I was created. For those of you who don’t know me I am partially cross-eyed and I just could not imagine how God could possibly have allowed that to happen for a REASON. but God wasn’t done with me yet, I was introduced to Nick Vujicic and little did I know it would be another life changing event for me. Nick was living proof to me that God created ME uniquely for HIS UNIQUE purpose but not only that! He created me with my disabilities ON PURPOSE so I could fulfill His purpose. He has a plan for everything. Since my surgery several years ago there have been many other instances where God seemed to crash my dream, including 2 weeks I had lost all my hearing thinking it was permanent.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW579icDRSA?rel=0&w=560&h=315]
I’ve talked a lot about my pain in my journey but my goal is not to take you on a pity party journey with me-I tell you those details because God used that pain, and that “crashing MY dreams” to get my attention and wake me up so that I could realize that I am Wonderfully & Fearfully made ON PURPOSE for HIS UNIQUE purpose that only I can achieve because of HOW HE created me.
I still do not know 100% what His purpose for my life is-but I’m on a journey that is so amazing that I would never be able to be on had it not been for that pain, had it not been for those dreams that were crashed, had it not been for that, I would be in a completely different journey not half as worth it.
My passion in all this is to somehow Inspire others to accept the way they were created, stop asking God WHY, and starting embracing Who God created them to be and the abilities He gave them. “Disabilities” become “Abilities”. Just look at Laminin-You think God isn’t intimately involved in HOW you are created and the day-to-day pains you go through?
Really? You ARE fearfully and wonderfully made!
I hope this was an inspiration to you. This article is meant to be part of my story I am working on developing. I am a beginner in writing and communication so if it is rather jumbled I apologize. I use to struggle with not wanting to talk about my journey at all fearing I’d come across all about me-finally I realized God wanted me to move forward and use my story to inspire others and not let my fears hinder His purpose in all this. It’s kind of difficult as a beginner to know how much detail to share so I can really take you along with me on the journey to experience what I experienced without getting to involved in details and losing the motivation of it all which is to inspire others to embrace the purpose God traced into their life. I welcome feedback on articles I write about God’s story of my life with all this in mind.
by Rick Warren
“Oh, yes, you shaped me first inside, then out …. You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit… Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” (Psalm 139:13-16 MSG)
God never wastes an experience. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).
At Saddleback, we help people consider five areas of experience that will influence the kind of ministry they are best shaped for:
Educational experiences: What were your favorite subjects in school?
Vocational experiences: What jobs have you enjoyed and achieved results while doing?
Spiritual experiences: What have been the meaningful or decisive times with God in your life?
Ministry experiences: How have you served God in the past?
Painful experiences: What are the problems, hurts, and trials from which you’ve learned?
Your S.H.A.P.E. was sovereignly determined by God for his purpose, so you shouldn’t resent it or reject it. “What right have you, a human being, to cross-examine God? The pot has no right to say to the potter: ‘Why did you make me this shape?’ Surely a potter can do what he likes with the clay!” (Romans 9:20-21 JB)
Instead of trying to reshape ourselves to be like someone else, we should celebrate the S.H.A.P.E. God has given to each of us.
Understanding your S.H.A.P.E. builds self-esteem. There’s an epidemic of low self-esteem in our society today. Most people do not like themselves. One reason, studies have shown, is that more than 50 percent of all people are in the wrong jobs. I believe that genuine self-esteem — as opposed to pop psychological self-esteem — is built on two biblical truths. It’s not about raising yourself up by your boot straps or thinking positively or the “I’m OK; you’re not so hot” philosophy. Genuine self-esteem is built on your relationship with Jesus and knowing what he created you for.
The Word became a human being and, full of grace and truth, lived among us. We saw his glory, the glory which he received as the Father’s only Son. John 1:14 (TEV)
The love of God is intimate and personal. He came up-close in Christ, and that means we cannot hide our imperfections and faults from him. He knows about them anyway.
This model from God means we need to love each other intimately and personally, looking past the faults and weaknesses of one another, seeing the handiwork of God in each one of us, knowing that we also have weaknesses and faults but that God is active in our lives, too.
When we know and believe that God is determined to love us no matter what, we can stop being concerned about our faults and conform to Christ instead of our fears (Romans 12:2). When we don’t believe that God loves us no matter what, we try to put on masks that make us look perfect in order to hide our faults. When we try to hide behind masks, we undermine God’s plan that we live together in transparent, loving communities, such as small groups.
The reality is, God’s love is perfect, and he wants to cover our faults with Jesus Christ.
God goes beyond merely diagnosing our problems or judging our faults (Psalm 103:10); instead, he steps forward to address the areas of our lives that are broken:
The more we’re conscious of God’s love, the less self-conscious we become about ourselves. We spend less time and energy looking to appear perfect and have a life where everything is exactly the way we want it to be; instead, we invest more time and energy pouring ourselves into other people, who, along with us, make an imperfect community, but one infused with God’s love.